I love my friends. That is really all I would have to say, but anyone that would read this would probably think...'yeah, I love my friends too. but why the hell did you stop at saying that you love your friends.'
This was one of those instances that just needed to happen. If you have been reading this blog for awhile, you would know that I am not the most positive person. There are many reasons for not being a positive person, but here is not the place to rehash all the I am angry at. Read previous posts and you will understand.
Anyway, on Facebook I made a post and a friend wrote back and I said something back and then my phone rang. Needless to say, her suggestion to me was...not necessarily ignored, but dismissed out of hand. Yeah, she was none to happy. And when I say none to happy, what I mean by that is she was tired of me being so defeatist.
Being defeatist has been a default state for me for years. For whatever reason, whatever it is I would love to do I can't because...well, I just don't feel it will work out.
For close to 2 hours we talked about all the possibilities that I could and should go after. And I needed it. For too long, I have just been bitchy. Yes, men can be bitchy, too. I was always so down on what I needed to do.
It will be a process for me, but I am trying not to be so negative. I will try not to be so defeatist. There is so much I can do in life. I just have to find a way to do it. The pursuit will be hard and filled with people and institutions that will say no to me. But I have to find a way to get past it. I have to. And getting past what happens to being trying to defeat me on any given day is not just for me. I have a little girl that needs to see her dad doing everything he can to become a better person everyday.
So, needless to say....I love my friends.
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